Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Speedos are never acceptable...and other rules for manly dressing

Today the Captain came downstairs in a Hawaiian shirt with plaid shorts.

Heh :)

I love him. I'd rather he need my style advice instead of him knowing more about fashion and style than a woman.

I did start laughing my ass off and promptly told him, "No," to which he went back up and came down in a white Panama Jack style shirt. Much better. However, I was smacked on the ass for still chuckling while making breakfast, although I do love men's clothing, and he knows I have more style than him. At one point in my past career, I used to advise executives on dressing for meetings and presentations.

Hawaiian shirts are back in style again, however men should know there are rules for wearing them, especially men over the age of 35.

- Do buy at least one size too large. The looseness adds to the casual and cool effect.
- Do wear them with sandals or flip-flops.
- Do wear them with subdued, solid color shorts, such as light khaki.
- Do wear them with shorts or slacks made of summer weight material.
- If you're going to wear it loud, then wear it proud.

- Don't ever tuck them in, even if you are Thomas Magnum.
- Don't wear them with a necktie.
- Don't wear them with a blazer, even if the current men's magazines say it's ok this season. It's not. It never is.
- Don't wear a shirt with matching pants or shorts.
- Don't wear them with denim. It's too stiff.
- Don't wear them with socks. Ever.
- Don't wear a matching shirt with your spouse.
- And don't mix Hawaiian prints with plaids.

(P.S. - That picture is not the Captain ;-)


The Captain said...

Of course that's not me. I wear black ankle sox with my cut-offs and tenny-runners.

Chatelaine said...


I'm so glad you have me now, Captain :)

The Wine Commonsewer (TWC) said...

Does anybody under 45 even wear Aloha shirts? It seems like they never really went out of fashion in Ca and are summer fashion de jour for old guys with big paunches.

I love them. I also loved those horribly loud flower print shirts that were popular in the late 1970's. I had one that was black and green and yellow. It went pretty will with my three inch platform shoes. :-)

A true Aloha shirt is made with the wrong side of the material on the outside. I have a couple of those as well.

Hawaiian shirts are OK with jeans and sandals.

Don't wear a shirt with matching pants or shorts.

When Jake was little he had the cutest matching Hawaiian pants and shorts outfit in a blue and white flower pattern. :-)

After my grandfather's funeral my dad showed up at my uncle's poolside reception wearing monkey socks and sandals with shorts. I am not kidding. I think we made him feel bad, too. :-) Cuz we laughed so hard.

With you on the speedos. Jesus Chrysler.

smartass sob said...

I don't think I'd wear a Speedo even if I were a young guy - too much like appearing in one's underwear. ;-)


smartass sob said...

Of course that's not me.

Well of course it isn't - we all knew that. It's TWC. ;-)


smartass sob said...

I mean, hell, he looks like a bunch of various famous people - TWC that is.


brianp said...

Always wear one on aloha Fridays. Keep a shirt in my Office just in case I forget to don the appropraite attire in the morning.
Like your rules/Regs, but I do violate rules 7 and 10 regularly for safety sake while at work.

Chatelaine said...

Well, ok then... the denim rule is negotiable. Just keep the denims casual and comfy, not the stiff, super dark style. Captain wears his with denim shorts too, but they're very faded and soft.

I don't know about the tie, though, Brian... ;-)

TWC, matching shorts and shirts are very cute on little boys. That's perfectly ok.

"Well of course it isn't - we all knew that. It's TWC."

SASOB! That's supposed to be a secret!

The Wine Commonsewer (TWC) said...

Hey, SA, everybody likes a little ass but nobody likes a Smart Ass (SOB)!


That can't be TWC, hair's too short and no beard.


The Wine Commonsewer (TWC) said...


Haven't heard that turn of a phrase since my vagrant yoot. There was this scrawny blond chick named Kathi Puckett that often used it. Much cuter when she said it. :-)

That girl would not go out with me for love nor money. Over several years, she dated four or five of my friends, including this kid we used to call Elmer Fudd. I always figured she went for Anderson cuz he had a Vette.

She'd ride around on the back of the murdercycle or go to the beach with moi, but never a single kiss except on the cheek.

She was the Midnight Confessions girl and eventually I lost track of her. Heard she's married to a Superior Court Judge these days.

Sometimes things work out exactly how they're supposed to. She's got the judge, I've got something better.

smartass sob said...

Hey, SA, everybody likes a little ass but nobody likes a Smart Ass (SOB)!

Aw, shoot. Guess I'll just go eat worms. ;-)


TWC said...

Oddly enough, TWC was cleaning in the garage (still) and he came across an old Polaroid of Kathi. Not as cute as I remembered. Then again, it might be a trick of time.

Col. Hogan said...

I never wear Hawaiian shirts. Most of them are stiff and sweat-proof--and way too expensive to buy! Faded jeans or denim shorts and speed shop t-shirts are pretty much my off-work uniform. Faded jeans and long-sleeve cotton shirts for work (to protect my arms from the sun).

I like wearing kilts. I'm thinking about buying more of them. No use only wearing them to Scottish events!

Flip-flops (aka shower shoes) never see my feet. Druther go barefoot. But I never go barefoot outside the house. I need my feet. Don't want nails through 'em (or snake fangs, either).

smartass sob said...

or snake fangs, either

I was talking to a guy just a couple months ago who said he once got snake-bit on his foot. He said it was because he had been wearing flipflops at the time and had gone outside in the dark. He had a flashlight, but wasn't shining it where he was walking, and a copperhead got him. They and cottonmouths are nocturnal around this part of the country.

You don't want to get bitten by a poisonous snake - it usually means a hospital stay, I'm told.


The Wine Commonsewer (TWC) said...

I like wearing kilts. I'm thinking about buying more of them. No use only wearing them to Scottish events!

Kilts cost more than Hawaiian shirts and they leave you exposed to the elements. And the snakes. :-)

My brother-in-law has gone fully off the deep end. He's got enough kilts to stock a small Scottish haberdashery. Wears them to work, to play, and to the movies.

I'm thinking about getting some wooden shoes so as to keep in touch with my heritage.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

y'all are cracking me up. I tried to comment yesterday trucking down the road from Ruidoso to Midland, but my freaking air card was messing me up!

The Wine Commonsewer (TWC) said...

Miltie linked to this on FB.

brianp said...

I had to crop the picture so LC wouldn't see my White Socks and Sandals. :-)

I have a closet full of Hawaiian shirts and Barongs, from my island days. Unlike most attire, they are never out of style.