Saturday, June 6, 2009
I think I'm having one of those moments in life when you realize that things are probably not going to go along the way you figured they would.
You know how we sort of assume how things will happen? You can visualize it in your mind how things will look and what will happen through the years and down the road...but then, somewhere in the scheme of things, you start to see that it's going to go down a little differently. You start to see a fork in the road, and you realize that instead of simply continuing down the road you're on, you'll probably end up taking that fork that veers off. It's parallel to the road you're on, but still, it's a different road.
Kind of like interstates and old two lane highways. A lot of interstates and freeways were built parallel to the old two lane highways, and even though the two lane road might still exist, the interstates and freeways have virtually replaced them. The old two lane highway is slower, but more scenic and has less frantic traffic. There are usually interesting roadside attractions and places to stop along the two lane highway. But the interstate is much faster, easier, more convenient, and gets you to the end quicker.
I think the Captain and I are going to end up traveling the old two lane highway of life. I guess I kind of figured it would be him simply merging into my life here in my hometown. Him merging into my circle of friends and the road we travel. But I think it's going to go down a little differently than that.
Things went well last night, don't get me wrong and think that we didn't have a good time or anything. The Captain charms with his smile and disarms with his wit. He never meets a stranger. But as I sat at the dining table with everyone and observed...sort of stepped back for a moment and looked in as an outsider... I sort of realized that the Captain and I are different together. I'm different around him. He's changed me. He makes me a better person. And I think we have different things that we want out of life from what my circle of friends wants. I don't even know if some of them even think about things like this or about making plans for what you want out of life.
I once read that true love is not simply gazing into each other's eyes and seeing only each other. But instead, true love is gazing outward together and seeing the same things.
I didn't quite understand that when I first read it, but I get it now. The Captain and I want the same things in life. We want to work toward the same things, and we're satisfied with the same things. We're interested in the same things. We want to discuss and ponder the same things. I'm not sure all of those things are on the same road I've been traveling on with my circle of friends. I think maybe I've been whatever fits in with them, instead of being what I really am. Or maybe I'm being something new. Maybe I'm changing more than I realized.
I think the Captain and I might take that slower, less complicated, but more scenic road in life. We'll be parallel to all my old gang, but we'll probably be on a different road a lot of the time.