Thursday, July 9, 2009

Random Pencil Marks On Paper



Jessie-Girl hugging her cousins
Yesterday was hard. I cleaned out the last of my daughters belongings from her bedroom. Then, I sorted through papers of my own and found more notes from my daughter, in addition to those that are in the drawer beside my bed.

Speaking with my Lady Chatelaine on the phone helped me through the worst of it. With a two hour time difference, I had time on my hands after our late evening goodnight call. This is what use I made of the time.


Random Pencil Marks On Paper

The earliest notes from my daughter
Look like random pencil marks on paper
But I can read those markings:
I love you, Daddy.

A year later, the J for Jessie
Clear for all to see
With hearts and Xs and Os
Within a few weeks,
DADDY

I miss you daddy
Pleese tuk me in
Evin if it is lat.
I LOVE YOU
Jessie-Girl

I helped her with spelling
Still, I was both proud and saddened
When the note that greeted my late arrival said
Please TUCK me in Daddy
I miss you. I love you.

I knew my girl was growing up
The phonetic speller was gone

Now, it is ten months after the accident
My companion is only a cane
People look at me and notice
My "shadow" is no longer beside me

I am alone
But I have proof
That a little girl loved me with all her heart

The earliest notes from my daughter
Look like random pencil marks on paper
But I can read those markings:
I love you, Daddy.

9 comments:

Chatelaine said...

That's lovely, Captain. I know you felt her close to you yesterday, and I bet she's smiling at your poem today.

*hugging you tight* :)

smartass sob said...

I am alone
But I have proof
That a little girl loved me with all her heart

The memory of that love is all the proof you'll ever really need, Bill. :-)

sasob

Col. Hogan said...

Heart rending stuff, Captain......I feel for you!

Col. Hogan said...

Adding a mite more, I've put over 300,000 miles on road bikes in my life, a large fraction of those with my son aboard.

Some things come to mind when I think back on that, and fun as it was, there were the dangers. I knew it then, and I know it now, every time I see a scoot with a kid on the back.

"We're only immortal for a limited time." --Niel Peart

The Captain said...

sasob, that is true. Thanks.

Col. H, between my injuries leaving my knees less sturdy and my confidence shaken and stirred, I can't see me riding again and certainly not with a passenger.

Still, there is no better way of traveling. To quote my daughter when I asked her why she liked riding the motorcycle, "Oh Daddy, I can see things and smell things I can't in a car, and then I start talking to God."

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

I think of you often and wonder what you must be going through. I know at times whe love you have for Jessie and grief of the loss must overwhelm you.

Know that though I'm often silent, you are always in my prayers and thoughts and I'm so glad you and the Chatelaine are breathing as one.

I love the poem. It made me smile, as did Jessie's notes. And now, she's side by side with God, and smiling and laughing with you. I can see her. Thanks for the picture. I can definitely see God in Jessie.

The Captain said...

Janie,
Thank you. It was a year ago, June, that she told me why she loved riding so much. I knew then that her faith was more secure than my own.

I look at her holding her cousins and remember she was that way with anyone who needed protecting.

I thank God for letting me be Daddy for 9 of her 12 years. What a joyful reunion there is to come.

Cap'n

TWC said...

Oh Man. Didn't get all the way thru the poem but maybe tomorrow. Although we feel strong and alive, life is ever so fleeting and fragile....

Right now I want to hold you, man.

The Captain said...

Knock that off, TWC.
Folks might start thinking we've started a bromance.
;~)
Cap'n