Tuesday, August 4, 2009

You Can Check in Any Time You Like.....


I've always thought vacancy signs were cool. I guess that's part of that nostalgia kink I have...the old Route 66 days, road trips, roadside motels with a vacancy sign lit up, coffee and toast in the motel diner with a waitress named Racine that has a bright red beehive hairdo and calls everyone "hun" and "darlin".

But on the other hand, I'm terribly picky when it comes to sleeping accommodations, and if I don't have access to my own bed, then anything less than a nice new hotel suite is really roughing it. I wish I could be adventurous and just randomly pull over to the Wheels Motel or the Motel 20, but all I can think about is what's in the walls, and what's been in the beds, when were the linens last washed, how many hidden cameras are there, and what happens when I turn the lamp off.

Watching the movie Vacancy a couple weeks ago didn't help matters.



I had to call the Captain at least five times during that movie with a list of things were were or were not going to do on our upcoming cross country road trip, such as:

- no venturing off the interstate late at night taking short cuts.

- check the gas gage every half hour.

- make sure we have a well powered flashlight.

- no staying at motels where the clerk is even remotely creepy.

- and being well armed so that we don't end up running around screaming and having to beg for someone to save us.



I have invested in one of these, though, so we don't actually have to touch the bed sheets, and I plan to have a pillow and blanket in the truck with us. I am fully prepared to sleep there in case suitable accommodations are not to be found in the Wyoming, South Dakota, and Nebraska wilderness. This correlates with that point about being well armed.

I guess watching Children of the Corn would be a bad idea right now, huh.

The moving truck is loaded, and we're heading out for Mississippi tomorrow.

13 comments:

Col. Hogan said...

I've slept in some pretty strange places. When I was in the Navy, I'd often take a nap on coils of rope in the hawser locker. When I used to ride bikes cross-country, I often found some very unusual roadside motels.

Once, after riding halfway across North Dakota and two-thirds across Montana in a medium to heavy rain (at night), I stumbled into a motel in a little Montana town. $4.50 a night. After I hanged my wet clothes to dry and took a hot shower in a bathroom that only looked superficially clean, I actually got a pretty good day's sleep--I'd checked in at about 9am.

I've never been very squeamish--while I was playing hockey, I took after-game showers in some pretty strange locker rooms. Some, without hot water.

Can't say I ever suffered from it.

TWC said...

a waitress named Racine that has a bright red beehive hairdo and calls everyone "hun" and "darlin".

and has a pork chop in her hair....


Oh, Man, we ended up at one of those places in Springerville Arizona.

DEsk Clerk with three silver lip rings and a bad tattoo on her left breast, which was prominently displayed:

oh, sure, we got one left. Your room is around back. A DEE LUX with queen beds.

We walked around back and the kids gasped then Katie said "Dad, did you bring your umbrella?" That's code for my .38 Smith. :-)

The place reeked of lysol but it had hi speed internet for free and it was dead quiet. Surprised me since I thought there were crack deals going on five doors down. I've been away from apartments where poor people sit out at night and smoke and drink beer for so long that it always makes me think the wrong thing.

I wedged the wooden chair under the doorknob and we crashed. Dude we were sooooo tired.

Come the morning it didn't look quite so bad and nobody got diseased. Sure didn't walk on the carpet barefoot though.

TWC said...

I stumbled into a motel in a little Montana town. $4.50 a night.

Yesh, I hear that. Years ago I was playing poker with some friends and after I left for home I realized that it was late and I needed some sleep. Checked into a little old fleabag motel on Old 66 on Foothill Blvd. Turned out it was one of those pay-by-the-hour motels. I couldn't sleep with all the comings and goings. Can't imagine even considering a place that these days. :-)

TWC said...

What the heck are you doin' watchin' a movie like that alone? :-)

smartass sob said...

DEsk Clerk with three silver lip rings and a bad tattoo on her left breast, which was prominently displayed:


Ahem...the tattoo or the breast? ;-)

sasob

smartass sob said...

The moving truck is loaded, and we're heading out for Mississippi tomorrow.

Have a safe and enjoyable trip.

smartass sob

Chatelaine said...

Lol! SASOB, I wondered the same thing about the tattoo or the breast.

Y'all are braver than me, especially you, Col Hogan. I think guys are simply less picky than girls. Sorry, but it's just part of our entire packaging.

TWC, I call the Captain's side arm "Mac". Mac is never very far away.

TWC said...

Ahem...the tattoo or the breast?

Well, to see the tattoo, the breast was, by default, prominently displayed.

Although she was nice enough, there were no untoward thoughts flitting through my mind with respect to the displayed cleavage.

I always wonder why you opt for the curved lip rings instead of a diet or the gym.

Saw a morbidly obese chick at the beach with a honkin' ass nose ring. It was shiny and hanging out of both nostrils and it made you think she had a bad cold and runny nose. I'm thinking to myself, the nose ring is not helping, why not try giving up the Hagen Daz?

Why do people think that tattoos, body piercings, and nose rings will mask the fact that they need to lose fifty pounds?

Now get off my lawn!

The Wine Commonsewer (TWC) said...

I don't know if guys are less picky but they may be. I am certainly way more picky than I used to be. That' may be a function of age or ability to pay (or both).

LC, Hope you and the Cappy and Mac have a safe trip.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

I'm with you - those bed sacks are too cool.

Y'all have a safe trip - thanks for your sweet comments on my blog. I knew if anyone understands, it would be you.

Are you coming through Texas (I know, it's only a LITTLE out of the way!)

Col. Hogan said...

Hey, if you keep everything too clean, you'll wreck your immune system.

smartass sob said...

Hey, if you keep everything too clean, you'll wreck your immune system.

Yeah...and like Clavell's Blackthorn once said, "A bath will make you foul sick!" ;-)

sasob

TWC said...

I'm with you - those bed sacks are too cool.

I LOL when I clicked thru to the bed sack. Never knew such a thing existed.