October!

    It's here! My favorite month of the year! I consider it officially Autumn now. Things are really cooling off. Haven't run the air conditioner in several days. Wheee! So looking forward to those lower electric bills.

And we're just a little over two weeks away from "the day".

I'm scrambling to get everything done. The Captain is painting lawn chairs today. I want to have them outside under the tree at the reception. Isn't he so nice for doing that? I love him so much :-)

I am spending the day at the hospital with my Mom. She's fine, but is requiring a blood transfusion. Her red blood cell count is down to 24, which is dangerously low, and her platelets have declined 50% over the summer. So she needs some fresh blood. I call her my little vampire now.

Happy Autumn! I wish I could spend the day planting mums, putting out pumpkins, and writing poetic posts about atmospheric autumn days. Maybe this weekend, though. And I hope y'all will still be here when this wedding craziness is over, and we can get back to normal reading, posting, and living.

This Week I Have....

- Driven to Nashville and back in the same day to pick up the Captain at the airport. (Southwest Air doesn't fly into Memphis.)

- Taken my Mom to the doctor for her injection and blood tests.

- Had a pre-marriage counseling session with the church pastor, in which the Captain told the pastor he figured sexual relations was near the top of my marriage importance list. I nearly socked him right there.

- Assisted the Captain with rescuing a one-eyed momma cat and her four near death kittens from the crawlspace attic of my grandmother's house.

- Took the kitties and my nephew's pit bull to the shelter. Said nephew is in rehab, and his wife is in jail. Don't ask. My Mom and Dad are very hurt and disappointed.

- Hosted my sister and sister-in-law for dinner last night to go over wedding reception food and plans.

- Made a blueberry cake.

- Made lemon cheesecake snacks.

- Made chicken salad.

- Had a crown put on a 12 year molar tooth where the filling had cracked.

- Done seemingly endless dishes and laundry.

Good news is today is the official start of the college football season. Go Rebels! Hotty Toddy!

Trying to Just Do It

I'm feeling pulled in a dozen different directions these days. I want to finish unpacking the Captain's moving boxes for him. I'd like to spend a lot of time with my Mom, because she's really sick and feeling bad right now. And I need to do some house cleaning. And I need to find a job. The lead I had at my former company fell through. They are not going to fill that open position after all. I guess 17 billion in debt is sort of scaring them a bit, and fourth quarter is just around the corner.

But what I really need to do is get down to some of this wedding stuff, however I find myself procrastinating on it.

I think that worried the Captain a bit, when I first told him. But it's not that I don't want to get married. Not that at all. That's the best part of my life right now. But I think I wish I could just put on some jeans and an ivory sweater and stand up at the church that way. I really don't want a bunch of pictures made, and photographers are so expensive when it comes to weddings. I just want a dozen shots at most, I think.

OK. I'm getting the invitations done today. Completed. Done and mailed out. I swear it.

Just as soon as I drink a little more coffee and finish watching Rocky III.

Family Tragedies

As I was flipping through the channels, I saw the motorcade carrying Ted Kennedy's body. The newscaster repeated that tired chestnut heard at every Kennedy funeral: This family has suffered so many tragedies.

I saw through this hyperbole at 14, when I heard it uttered over forty years ago.
It is a long list, but then it is a large family.
Oldest son of Joe and Rose Kennedy killed in WWII.
Retarded daughter that Joe Sr. had lobotomized.
John Kennedy Shot.
Robert Kennedy shot.
Ted Kennedy gets caught cheating at Harvard.
Ted Kennedy drives off a bridge and kills a young woman, leaves the scene, killing his chances to be president.
Various Kennedy's are accused of murder, rape, and drug usage.
John Jr. augers his plane into the Atlantic killing himself, his wife, and sister-in-law.

Hell's bells! My own family is not as large as the Kennedy clan and we never had the money to hush up our legal troubles.

My Dad's cousin is shot delivering mail.
Paternal grandfather molested two of his daughters.
My Dad's youngest sister and husband and their son, visiting for a family reunion, die in an auto accident while driving home. Their young daughter survives and is adopted by another aunt. She later dies of cancer in her early forties.
My dad was in a car accident at age 30 that shattered his ankles. Doctors said he would never walk again and wanted to amputate below his knees. By sheer will alone, he proved them wrong and was walking within 6 months. He lives in constant pain, but never complains.
My Dad ruins his marriage with Kennedy style philandering and drinking.
My paternal uncle survives 22 years in the Navy, 3 tours of Vietnam, and retires only to get pushed off a dock. He breaks his neck. He spends the next 17 years as a quadriplegic.
My first wife has a brain aneurysm, has surgery, but exists in a coma before she dies 4 months later.
My nephew is severely beaten up and suffers terrible mood swings.
A motorcycle accident kills my 12 year old daughter, scrambles my brain (bleeding in the front and base), breaks my right leg, damages both knees, breaks ribs.

And now my father has stomach cancer that has spread to his bones and lungs. He will be dead in a few weeks.

I must temporarily put my marriage preparations on hold to fly back to say good-bye to him.

My family and I don't deserve extra sympathy because we can match or exceed Kennedy tragedies and self-caused troubles, just like most families can. Neither does the Kennedy clan deserve adulation for their tribulations. (I'll set aside the scorn they deserve for some of the things they've done.)

It's called LIFE. You are born and later you die. In between those two events many good and bad thing happen, to my family, to your family, to the Kennedy family, TO EVERY FAMILY.

So, if you don't see me around, you'll know what I am up to. I am grateful that I get one last chance to tell him that I love him. That is more important that going back to scatter his ashes.

The Captain

Jessica Marie, Lila Marie, Julie Ann, and my Dad

My youngest daughter Jessica Marie (AKA Jessie-girl) would have been 13 today. As emotional as that makes me, I have to recall the old Russian proverb: You can't appreciate being warm until you have been cold. Life is, by design, bittersweet.
A week ago, my oldest daughter, Julie Ann gave birth to my granddaughter, Lila Marie.
Julie Ann purposefully gave Jessie's middle name to Lila.

Lila was over 8 pounds and 19 inches long. Mom and baby are both fine.

Now, as I settle in to my new home with my Lady Chatelaine, preparing for our marriage, I have been told that my Dad (who is now 2500 miles away) has stomach cancer. Sometimes life is sweet-bitter.

With the date of the accident that killed Jessie-girl coming soon (Aug 24) I want this month to be over. I'd hate to think what my condition would be if I was still alone. Thank you LC for loving me. I love you very much.

Random Pencil Marks On Paper

Jessie-Girl hugging her cousins
Yesterday was hard. I cleaned out the last of my daughters belongings from her bedroom. Then, I sorted through papers of my own and found more notes from my daughter, in addition to those that are in the drawer beside my bed.

Speaking with my Lady Chatelaine on the phone helped me through the worst of it. With a two hour time difference, I had time on my hands after our late evening goodnight call. This is what use I made of the time.


Random Pencil Marks On Paper

The earliest notes from my daughter
Look like random pencil marks on paper
But I can read those markings:
I love you, Daddy.

A year later, the J for Jessie
Clear for all to see
With hearts and Xs and Os
Within a few weeks,
DADDY

I miss you daddy
Pleese tuk me in
Evin if it is lat.
I LOVE YOU
Jessie-Girl

I helped her with spelling
Still, I was both proud and saddened
When the note that greeted my late arrival said
Please TUCK me in Daddy
I miss you. I love you.

I knew my girl was growing up
The phonetic speller was gone

Now, it is ten months after the accident
My companion is only a cane
People look at me and notice
My "shadow" is no longer beside me

I am alone
But I have proof
That a little girl loved me with all her heart

The earliest notes from my daughter
Look like random pencil marks on paper
But I can read those markings:
I love you, Daddy.

Pancakes, Goobers, and Retards

This morning the Captain made pecan pancakes and maple sausage for our breakfast! Soooo yummy!

We had a "date" last night. The Captain took me to see Terminator: Salvation. I thought it was great. It has a different feel from the other Terminator movies, a little edgier and rougher. It has that cool edge that low budget movies have, but it's definitely not low budget, considering the good special effects. I even had my favorite movie snack from childhood. Goobers!

I'm sure this is somewhat politically incorrect to mention, but it was our local movie theater that we went to, and we happened to go on the same night that a local school and residence for developmentally disabled adults goes to the movies. One of my nieces is an activities counselor there. She takes them to the movies on Monday nights. When we walked in, I saw her at the snack counter helping them get their snacks, and she waved at me and said, "I thought I warned you that Monday nights were my group's night at the movies." But they were totally fine, no disturbances or anything. They behaved better than most teenagers do at the movies. My niece is also a basketball and volleyball coach in the Special Olympics. I never would have thought it about her, but she's really good in working with them. They love her. I think she just really treats them like normal people, and they feel very comfortable with her.

I had a weird dream last night. Nothing scary, but kind of funny, in a rolling your eyes, frustrating kind of way. I dreamed that I was at my Mom and Dad's house, and all of a sudden several barely-speaking-English kind of people came in the house and started hosing down all the shelves, kitchen cabinets, and everything inside the house! I started yelling at them about not even knocking on the door and what the hell were they doing, and they'd better stop right now, or I'd get the shotgun out. They said that Mom had ordered their service when a telemarketer had called soliciting. I looked at the labels on their shirts, and they were from Jani-King, which I'm sure showed up in my dream because I read recently that Jani-King (along with several other cleaning services) is among the top ten franchises in the U.S. It turned out that my Mom, who is very hard of hearing to the point of not being very good on the phone, had simply said "yes" over and over to the telemarketer, thinking that it wouldn't matter, and she didn't realize she had scheduled an appointment with them for "the works".

Sadly, I can totally see my Mom doing something like this in real life, and I guess my worries for her are coming out in my dreams. I suppose I need to have a talk with her about not saying "yes" over the phone just to get a telemarketer to hang up.

Today, the Captain is going to re-paint a wicker chair on the front porch, and I'm going to make an RC Cola Cake.

Good Things

- Even though they're still frail and need extra TLC, both Mom and Dad seem to be feeling better.

- It's Saturday, and I woke up early, and I've got the whole day to clean, organize, and putter about the house.

- There's a mockingbird right outside the window that's been singing to me ever since sun up. I might have been mad at him for waking me up if he didn't sound so pretty.

- I like making my Dad smile, even if it did take a bathroom humor joke aimed at my own expense. I made a quick shopping trip for them yesterday. Among a few other things on the shopping list were a 24-roll pack of bathroom tissue, a bottle of Pepto Bismal, and some Immodium AD tablets, all of which happened to be right together on the conveyor belt at the checkout counter. The guy ringing me up looked at me with such embarrassing pity, and asked me if I was ok and if I needed anything else. I told Dad what he subjected me to, and he laughed really hard. But it was worth it to see him smile.

- The Captain listed his boat for sale yesterday, which I know is a weird thing to put on a "good things" list, but he found another really cool boat down in Florida that he would like to buy when this one sells. I can't wait for us to have a boat nearby, especially since we have many more months of warm weather here than Washington does.

- We're going to a friend's 60th birthday party at one of the casinos down in the delta next week. We have a private dining room reserved for dinner, and then we're going to the Blake Shelton concert. I think I'm most excited about the dinner. I want the four ounce filet cooked medium rare, a spring salad with a little blue cheese on it, and most important of all, a glass (or two) of Cabernet.

- The Captain will be here in three and a half days.

What Would Buffy Do?

My Dad is home from the hospital. I'm not sure he's really well yet, but the doctor insisted he should go home, however we're going to see a specialist he was referred to at the soonest appointment available.

*********************

Meanwhile, I have a pondering post. Can you believe it???!! I'm actually thinking about something introspective and reflective (sort of)! I'm so excited! I kind of feel like the old, thinky-too-much me. Must be the bubble bath and two and a half glasses of wine :)

Anyway....Here's my thought. I'm watching a seemingly cool movie. The Abyss, which was made in 1989 according to my Tivo menu, but I'm just now seeing it for the first time, because in 1989 I was probably dancing and partying and running around with some loser guitar player.

So anyway...I'm really digging this movie. I don't know if it's the military aspect of it, the danger, or the tough chick played by Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, or what, but I really like it. It's been a long time since I've randomly found a flick and got excited about it.

Or maybe it's the wine and the relief of being able to take a bubble bath and lounge on my sofa for the evening...

But you know?....I think it's the tough chick thing. Most of the movies I like, or most of the TV series I like, have a kick-ass, tough, leader type of female lead in them. Think Linda Hamilton in Terminator II, Sigourney Weaver in Alien, Demi Moore in G.I. Jane, or Jodie Foster, or Holly Hunter... Those are some of my most favorite actresses. And don't even get me started on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, because I was obsessed with the Buffy series, and if you haven't really watched it and followed the plot, then you have no idea of the underlying themes of redemption, duty, honor, and responsibility that it was all about. The Buffy series is nothing like the movie.

I'm not much into the stereotypical chick flicks. Give me an action flick with bombs, wars, fighting, and raining bullets anytime. I was surprisingly in love with the Sex and the City movie, when I finally watched it on Tivo one night, but I never would have seen it in the theater or anything. I had no desire. It seemed so typically shallow. But when I watched it because there was nothing else on one Saturday, I found myself truly relating and loving it.

So...I just wanted to tell you that I'm really liking this Abyss movie.

Ok, I have to take the TV off pause now and finish my current glass of wine too.

Back in the ER

Ok, so now Dad is in the hospital. I took him to the emergency room yesterday morning, and they admitted him last night. Kidneys and prostate stuff. After checking on Mom this morning I'll be spending the day with him today.

Meanwhile, my oldest brother and his wife are playing tennis with their delta country club crowd, and my sister and her husband are touring a Missouri winery this weekend.

*big frustrated and bitter sigh* :-/

You know what?

I think I just might stop by the Krispy Kreme this morning. Dad's a book reader like me, and I'm taking him some books. So maybe we'll just read and eat donuts today.